Well, I'm not really sure what is going on (as I am not supposed to understand) BUT... God has been pouring out blessing after blessing over me! I am not sure why, nor do I deserve it--DEFINITELY NOT--but it is indisputable and irrefutable. It is incredible.
I have been striving for a fervent prayer life, one that is selfless and has genuine meaning. I have had trouble with the whole having "too much to pray for and not enough time" excuse in the past and God has made it clear to me that I have to make some changes. He wants to help me because He loves me so much. He wants to see me be patient (which is super hard). He wants me. That's what He wants.
And what do you know, I want Him too. My desire could never surpass His, though. It could never be as big or as strong or as unconditional or as constant. I will strive for Him because I am nothing and dried up and thirsty. He is everything and beautiful and living water. What a perfect combination. God is a genius.
Back to prayer... I have realized that I am only cheating myself when I don't pray. I mean, if I want to see God do amazing things like I know He can, I will have to pray. If I want to see God capture the people I love, I will have to pray. If I want to see my heart changed in radical and surprising ways, I will have to pray. God wants to see how much I am willing to do to act as an awed witness. He wants to see how much I love the people I am praying for. He wants to see how far I am willing to go to undergo transformation. "... pray without ceasing..."
How far am I willing to go? How bad do I want it? Do I really want to see this person come to Christ... or do I value my sleep a little more? I'm ready to get costly. I'm ready to give up something to spend time with my Everything. I'm ready to see God show off. Go 'head, God!
It is amazing how I can say the above so confidently, and yet fail so miserably. God has answered three of my major prayers this past week, and it's like He won't stop. And yet, I do. I stop. I let the world control me. My own eyes have seen the Master's power and how He works and how He listens and He hears us every time and He says "I can do this" and it makes me wonder why I ever let things of the world come before the Almighty. Only God knows how many things could have happened if I would have just said that one more prayer...
He can do anything.
This verse has been on my heart lately. Mainly because I used to know it and love it but now I know it in a completely different way and love it because of the new revelations He has instilled in me.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4
Previously, I would refer to this verse when I wanted something. Selfish and detestable, I know. I would always wonder how much delight I would have to put forth in order to attain my (quite often worldly) desire. WRONG.
God has opened my eyes and revealed to me that when you are truly delighted in the Lord, your desires are His desires. You want Him exclusively. And He is kind of the complete package if you know what I'm saying.
You will desire to see this person come to Christ because that's what He desires. You will desire to rid yourself of the world because that's what He desires. You will desire a more intimate relationship with Him because... that's what He desires.
God has carved this prayer upon my heart that I now meditate on when I think of the above verse:
I will delight myself in You so that You will give me You because You are my desire.
LMB
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