Shalom,
So, today was a day of intense revelation, let me tell you. God is continuously showing me things-- and the cool thing is that when He's not showing me anything, He's still showing me something. Catch that? Why must my mind's lucid thoughts run in paradoxes and contradictions? See! There it is again! I promise it makes sense. "At least it does in my head." (<Can I trademark that phrase?)
Now that my usual "attempt-to-make-you-smile-by-allowing-you-to-make-fun-of-my-peculiarity-and-to-keep-you-reading-the-rest-of-the-post-with-hopes-that-you-can-continue-to-do-so" first paragraph is out of the way, it's time for the business-- ya feel me?
Starting now. Over the course of my freshman year God has seriously pounded lesson upon lesson on me. It took a lesson for me to realize the recognizing process of all these lessons (I know, right)... so basically, it's one big circle that will never ever stop which is awesome, might I say.
I feel like this is going to be another one of those posts that does not make much sense. So be it!
I love when God tells me things. Or shows me things. Or presses them onto me so that I may feel them. I love when it's super obvious. When it's easy on me. Basically, I love all of the selfish things associated with knowing God. No one said it would be easy. Actually, it is said to be quite hard. Consider Exodus 33 when Moses could not look God directly in the face. God was so bright that it hurt to look at Him. This brightness paradoxically (again?) vagues out the understanding we try to seek. Kind of like looking at the sun in the summer and the ring around it causes the surrounding sky to seemingly wiggle like air surrounding a gasoline tank. I don't know where I get these images...
God shines so brightly that it hurts to look at Him in the face. As a Christ follower, my desire is to look God right in the face, stare into His eyes-- intense intimacy. I am not good at math (or clever references to math), but if you add together the previous sentences it would seem as though I am asking for it. I am asking for pain. "Cruisin' for a bruisin'," perhaps?
Praise God that His love is bigger than any earthly pain. He has captured my heart in such a way that if, to know Him more, it involves anguish of any sort, let it come. I realize that this is dangerous and seemingly absurd-- I blame God...actually, no. I thank God. I want to know Him at any cost! I say bring the rain, because my Hurricane is stronger.
Now, trying to tie together what I said earlier about God teaching me lessons even when He isn't teaching me lessons, I will ponder through it like this: What if, those times when we feel stuck, lost, like God isn't even there, He can't be there, those times when we want so badly for Him to scream at us, but we hear nothing, we desire so passionately for Him to just show us He is there, that He sees us in our despair or even our monotony... What if those times are the times that we are blinded by His brightness? We cannot see His face because, in the midst of perceived loneliness and dryness, He is trying to reveal Himself to us, albeit His face is too bright for us to comprehend. David was sent to the pasture for 40 days.... and then He triumphed over Goliath. Preparation? Yes. Painful? Had to be. I bet the sun shone pretty brightly in that pasture, though, if you know what I mean. It hurts to look God in the face.
Praise God for beautiful pain!
LMB
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