To seek and find

Life has been crazy, what with being back at school and all.  I managed to sit back the other day just to slow life down and ponder a bit and it dawned on me that my life changed dramatically within a few hours time.  One week I am at home, surrounded by one group of people--learning from them, sharing with them, loving and being loved by them... and the next I am in a completely different place with completely different people.  New opportunities.  New hearts.  New surroundings.  Same God.

It strikes me as a bit bittersweet knowing that I have had to leave behind the youth I helped with this summer, yet that is only the selfish part of me that just wants to hug them and love them forever.  It hit me like one of those solid punches from a brother (and trust me, I've had plenty of them) that there are completely new faces I will see here--all of those which God has placed directly in my line of vision.  They are beautiful faces, indeed.

I would dare to say that I am excited to take this challenge, take everything I have learned from this summer and apply it here, in this new environment.  I would also dare to say that this is not going to be easy.  The war has kicked into full force, already.

It is absolutely mind-blowing to think that everything I have been praying toward--a new school year, new people in which to invest, new problems, new praises, new learning experiences, newness galore-- it is all here.  It is all placed right before my eyes and now I am forced to no longer "just" pray.  Now I have to add in the activeness, the receptivity of the Holy Spirit--leading me, guiding me step by step, the intentionality, the humility, the everything that seems so complex but that all stems from the simplicity that is the gospel.

I know, this is really jumbled.

It is here, it is now.  I have been sent as a disciple of Christ to make disciples and that involves that difficult yet important balance of letting them truly see Jesus for themselves, just slightly nudging them along the way, the kind of nudge that implies force and desire and passion for them to reach toward and grasp something, while still retaining that gentleness and love and brokenness that says, "I cannot do this for you.  Because I love you, I cannot do this for you."

I have never been good with transitions and this year is a little different because while I am still struggling, I am  simultaneously recognizing my desire to still have Him as my center and focus for each and every second of each and every day and when I fail to keep my eyes on Him, rather than give up like in the past, I can hear His voice whispering, "Keep seeking me."

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. -Psalm 63:1

God is so clearly revealing to me so far this school year that I am undeniably desperate for Him.  I want Him and when I do not want Him I want to want Him.  I am absolutely nothing without Him; I have nothing even when I think I have everything. When my thoughts are not completely consumed by Him, when I wake in the morning and the first thing I think about is not Him, I want Him.  I want more of Him and it's in this beautiful and supernatural and ancient moment, my wants and needs collide.  That is what the love of Christ does.

The irony of all this is that on Friday night, I was privileged to take part in a very intense worship experience with a group called Hillsong United.  I got to see the youth group I helped with this summer, and I was overcome and-- right now just writing about it makes my knees almost beg me to collapse all my weight upon them--overwhelmed at some of the things they literally ran up to me and told me that God was doing in their lives and when I say ran I mean the literal and physical act of running.  The kind of running that is compelled by excitement, the kind of excitement that is compelled by the Holy Spirit. One of the youth didn't even give me a "Hey, how are you?"  It was more like a "Oh my gosh Lou I have to much to tell you!"  All their eyes shined and glistened the presence and pure joy of God and at the risk of sounding very creepy, I loved staring at them as they spoke.

Getting back to the irony part, this whole week I have been struggling to just "find" God and really fix my eyes upon Him instead of upon every action that is for Him.  That verse above, Psalm 63:1, has been my main meditation this week and it's one of those things you think about and pray for and earnestly desire for God to take control of, yet it still has that kind of dry yearning feeling that makes you plead, that good kind of confusion that makes you wonder where God is and why you are looking for Him in the first place.  It's that kind of uncomfortableness that calls for a Comforter.  That kind of brokenness that calls for desperate dependency on the one true God.

Really, getting back to the irony part, at this concert, the worship was so powerful and the focus was so God centered (as all worship should be) that it was almost impossible to think about anything else but the Creator of thoughts themselves.  I caught myself having to pray at the beginning for focus and while doing so I realized that I was desperate for Him, I was seeking Him.  My body longed for Him and my soul was thirsty for Him like a dry and weary land where there is no water and by the end of the worship service, though His living water was rushing through me, I realized that my throat was even drier than before I had come in.

I had basically been screaming.  There is this one song called "With Everything" and every time I sing it I end up doing the whole "complete body worship experience" (which kind of sounds like a work-out plan).  You know, the whole face turning red, standing on your tip-toes as if to get your voice a little louder, using every ounce of energy within you just to worship and proclaim the name of the One who provides you with that very energy in the first place.  

I have a rather sensitive voice.  My throat was shot.  And the funny thing is, my praise didn't even scratch (no pun intended) the surface of how worthy He really is.

Look how cool (that's the only word I could fit here) this scripture ties in:

I seek Him, long for Him, thirst for Him--Psalm 63:1.

..............................................................

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. -Psalm 63:5

I seek Him and find Him, so therefore I praise Him--Psalm 63:5.

With everything, with everything,

We will shout for your glory.

With everything, with everything,

We will shout forth your praise.

LMB

Summing Up Summer

I am back at school and all moved in and I would venture to say that I am excited and ready to see what God has in store for me this year.  I usually like to close things off when they are over, which really makes little to no sense.  By that, I mean that since summer is over I would usually write a whole lot about how wonderful it was and how it is over and things of the like and kind of close it up and move on.  But, I learned so much this summer, that it would be foolish of me to put all that God has taught me in a box and hide it under my bed.  Plus, I don't have room in my dorm for that.

So, this post is going to sum up the most prevalent things that God has taught me this summer, without shoving this season of my life into a journal and throwing it on a shelf and forgetting about it.


When seasons move from one to the next, trees don't all of a sudden go away, they just change the way they look...


God has changed the way I look.  Well, my heart, really.  I am going to share with you some major things that God has done to me and taught me this summer and I am going to do it in list form to aid with organization and clarity.  And because maybe I don't want you to fall asleep while reading this.  They are not listed in order of importance or bigness or anything.  God doesn't do anything not big.

1.  Reject Passivity and Be Active
         This summer, God really opened up my eyes to see that I was living a passive life.  I was letting things, opportunities, even potential relationships with people pass me by with the hopes that they would come to me.  I was not pursuing others like heaven and hell was real and I was content with the lazy attitude that someone else would come along.  Now I know that the life of a Christ-follower is not a passive life.  We must be active.

2.  Wake Up and Live
          I talked about this the entire last post, but it really is something that God has drilled into me this summer.  He woke me up and made me realize that as long and He is alive, I am to be alive in and through Him.  Sometimes I would live like our God was dead, but oh, He is surely alive.  Revival is coming, I can feel it.

3.  Be Intentional
         This summer was the first time I have ever been blatantly intentional in my relationships with others.  I know that sounds bad, but I am not ashamed to admit it because then I can tell you how awesome my Redeemer is for changing my heart in that aspect.  I have learned that breakfast dates, genuine concern, and even just an open ear to others can open up so many doors.  We can be intentional with small things like our smiles.  Sometimes I think God does that to me.

4.  The War Is Constant Yet Conquerable
          I experienced so much spiritual warfare this summer, more than ever before, but I can confidently say that I learned to let God drag me to victory if He had to.  Having Him hold me and be my Commander and Comforter at the same time formed a bond between us that I could never ask against.  If I get closer to my Heavenly Father because of the war, then I am more than willing to endure the war.  It's kind of like jumping through hoops of fire...

5.  Focus on Him at All Times
          This summer I was so focused on doing everything that I was supposed to be doing for God and the kingdom that sometimes I lost focus of Him in His actual essence.  He taught me how detrimental it is to get caught up in focusing on doing or roles in religious organizations or even the intentional relationships themselves instead of being focused on the Father Himself.  We lose so much intimacy when we do not spend time with the Creator of it.

6.  Receptivity of the Holy Spirit at the Present Time
          I am at the age right now where the whole "What am I going to do with my life?" thing is so obnoxiously present that I realized I would sometimes dwell on that question before I would consider "What does the Holy Spirit want me to do right now?"  Francis Chan even says in Forgotten God that how we let the Holy Spirit work in us at the current time usually affects where the rest of our lives are headed anyway.

7.  God's Plans are So Intricate and Infinite
        This one is funny today because this morning in my quiet time, God actually revealed to me how something that happened two months ago is being used right now.  And without going into an extensive explanation, this whole summer was pretty much bootcamp preparation for this school year--and that is so mercifully obvious. And I love it and love Him for being so perfect.

8.  Embrace Vulnerability and Brokeness
        God has shown me time and time again that it is okay to be vulnerable with Him.  Hiding things from Him will never help.  With spilling out the very depths of our hearts to Him comes the massive realization of how broken we really are.  These cracks in our souls can only be filled with the bonding power of Christ.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

9.  Go On Adventures With God
        This life poses so many opportunities, so many open areas, so many lost people.  There are cliffs to dive off and glowing bays in which to jump.  There are unexpected friends to be made and surprising places to be explored.  There are mountains to be hiked and battlegrounds to be triumphed.  And there is a God with whom to do it all.

This is what God has taught me this summer.  Not all of it; I am sure that this list will be randomly added to as He jogs my memory and makes me smile in the most random places with His unexpected revelations.  As I start my sophomore year at college, these goals are coming with me.  Without dwelling on all that happened this summer and all the people I miss and how much I wish there was a rewind button so that I could experience it all over again, I am going to carry these lessons with me.  I am going to move on to where I have been called and embrace these gracious gifts and use them the way that God wants me to use them.  I may be moving seasons, but my God has not moved yet.

LMB

Diving Deep

The summer is almost over.  Today starts my last official week in Shelby.  How crazy.  Words cannot describe all that God has done this summer, but as usual, I am going to try anyway.

This post is going to attempt to put down into words what I talked about last night.  If you were there, you know what I am talking about (if you paid attention), but if you were not, you are now in an awkward situation where you are wondering what I am referring to and why you were not at the best youth service ever.

I have had the privilege to spend my summer with a beautiful group of young people.  We've hiked mountains, ate random lunches together, hammocked more times than I can even keep up with, went cliff-jumping, and I would even say that some of my favorite moments with them have been those little God-given conversations that pop up at the most unexpected times in the most unexpected places, like Dairy Queen or in a parking lot.  Moments like that make my heart smile.

Last night was the service where the youth share about all of their experiences and what they have learned this summer and how they have grown and all of that great, great stuff that makes me melt when I even think about it.  The theme for the summer was "Diving Deep," and I don't know about them, but this summer I may have dove deeper with God than I ever have before.  And I am not even a good swimmer.

It was a night full of youth-led worship, testimonies that included life-changing circumstances and many calls to ministry and missions, slideshows that make you want to cry and laugh at the same time, and so much Holy Spirit in the air that you feel like your heart is going to explode... and you are okay with it.  My twin brother and I got the privilege to speak together at the end, and a week ago when I started to really pray about what I was going to share and how God has really worked in my life this summer, God made it almost scarily clear as to what He wanted me to say.

Now I am no public speaker, so God got pounded with my prayers for comfort and lack of nervousness and humility and emptiness and that light, almost out of body, feeling where words you could never come up with start flowing from your mouth and you realize it has to be the Holy Spirit because there is no way you could ever be that eloquent.  Especially us hurr in tha south.

When I first got home for summer, I had a really sour attitude (there is even blog proof of it). I was constantly crying out to God as to why I was stuck in Shelby, not that I do not love Shelby, but what exactly was here for me?  I murmured and sulked and grieved over the fact that I had yet to find any reason for my summer at home.  I knew, though, that I was supposed to be here for some reason, because I had prayed a lot about it and God's voice was very clear to me that Shelby was where He wanted me.  So, there I was and here I have been.

On May 19, I was studying my bible and you know when scripture just jumps out at you.  This one leaped at me and pounced on top of me and I might have been trying to study the scriptures, but this scripture was studying me.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." -Ephesians 5:14

God was really on me about this. Wake up, Lou!  Look around; look at what I have provided for you here!  Rise from the dead!  Live like I am alive, because I am.  And I want to shine on you.  It was like He was dramatically pouring cold water over me to wake me up and it woke me up alright.  And God's sense of humor is so hilarious, because I have now converted to a morning person.  Literally, out of no where I have started waking up much, much earlier than usual and loving it--cherishing that extra intimate time with Him that is so new and fresh to me and appreciating the beauty and quietness and stillness of the morning.  Not to mention, many coffee and breakfast dates with the youth.  God, You are so funny.

The phrase God has been drilling in my head this summer is: Refuse to be passive.  Refuse to sit idly by and wait and watch everything that you could be doing for the kingdom pass by because you are sitting and waiting for someone else or something else and sulking over where you could be or what you could be doing and wake up and look around you!  Wake up!  This is what has been provided for you, Lou.  These youth are why you are here!  Stop sitting on the sidelines.  Refuse to be passive!  Rise from the dead and I promise you I will shine on you.

And He did.

Being "intentional" is something I would hear a lot about and pray a lot about but never really have the boldness or spiritual energy to do.  Now that God has shaken me from my slumber, He has pushed me, and I mean really pushed me to be intentional with my relationships.  It's mind-blowing to think about how much He has escalated this.  It started out with a few simple conversations with the youth that turned into random lunch dates that turned into really intense conversations that turned into jumping off of cliffs with people I had just met.  You can use that last one metaphorically or literally.

One of the best things about being spiritually awake is that my eyes have become wider and I am seeing things that I have never seen before.  These youth have taught me so much about passion and about authenticity and simplicity and love.  They have brought the congregation to tears on Sunday mornings when they stand up during songs and raise their hands and worship.  One Sunday, the youth stood up during a song and the entire congregation started standing up after them.  Talk about symbolic.  They have taught me so much about my age:  I will only be a college student once, so I must to embrace it!  I will only be old enough for them to look up to but young enough for them to feel comfortable confiding in for a certain period of time, so I must refuse to let that go to waste.

This summer was different because I have just finished my first year in college and I have grown so much in ways that I could never have even fathomed.  I look back at all of those special people who have poured into me and who keep pouring into me and this summer God really showed me that it is my turn.  I have tried to pour out my heart to those youth and share with them the love of Christ that has been so lavished on me and the best part about all of this is having youth come up to me saying, "Lou, me and this [younger] person got really close at camp and..." and "Yeah, this person doesn't really have anyone her age in the youth group so I really tried to pour into her and love her at camp, which is something I have never really done before."  TRUE STATEMENTS, my friends.  Oh, I could write so much more about it!  Christ pouring into all of us, then one person pours into someone, who pours into someone else, who pours into someone me, who pours into someone else, WHO POURS INTO SOMEONE ELSE and it could go on and on forever and I pray with all my heart that it does.

This makes me excited if you can't tell.

God has really redeemed me this summer and I have caught myself using that word a lot here lately but that is because it is so true.  He has carried me, drug me across the floor even sometimes, but He has never let go of me.  My heart has been turned upside down and my eyes have not only been opened, they have been refocused.  What was I looking for?  A way out?  Things to do to help me feel like I was "doing" something?  What was I really seeking?

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. -Matthew 6:33

I feel like I could substitute "all these things" with "Elizabeth Baptist youth" or "relationships I cannot even fathom" or "conversations I would have never dreamed of having."

Or, "new brothers and sisters."

Refuse to dive in the shallow end.

Refuse to dive alone.

Refuse to refuse the dive.

LMB

A bowl of fruit

Friends.  I have been so slack on writing this thing after I promised more Puerto Rico updates.  In my defense, I have been working more than usual, plus God is still doing so much that it keeps my mind fluttering.  However, He has done an excellent job of hearing my prayers to slow life as well as my mind down a bit.  I know that I owe you a post about the power of a story and worshiping as a universal body, but I feel like the details to those two topics will continue to grow and become polished, because they are still popping up everywhere... So, why rush it?!

To be honest, I really have no idea where this post is headed, if it will have a "theme," or even a main topic.  I just know that it is time to write again and I pray that my own words will be few.  May He speak through me and guide my fingers.

I have been in an intense mood lately.

I figure that I should get some of this seriousness out in a post before I move on to the sappy stuff about going back to school and leaving behind beautiful brothers and sisters who I have been privileged to see grow all summer and how much I will miss them and how much they have taught me and how much I love them and all those happy tears.

When I sit here and meditate and rack my brain over what the Holy Spirit really is making prevalent in my life and heart right now it is kind of hard because He is showing me a novel filled with whole pages and entire chapters and I can only view one word at a time.  It's like I'm having to read my thoughts.  And He is a pretty good writer.

Since Puerto Rico, I have been experiencing some spiritual warfare, which is normal and tough and I would even venture to say appreciated.  It has been quite the battle, but I have gotten to experience some deep intimacy with my Commander through it.  Constantly crying out to God for help is one of the most two-sided feelings ever... because as hard as it is to keep my thoughts focused on Christ--to keep my hope in Him, going against the flesh while dodging bullets left and right--it is so immediately worth it because I get to feel God's compassion and strength and love and why would I ever trade earthly comfort for heavenly intimacy?

I have a question, and answers really would be nice--however you want to reach me.  I am curious.  This questions addresses something that I have just now began experiencing for probably the past 4 or 5 months, and at first I wasn't sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me or if it was just another example of God's unexpected grace through His presence.

...............................

Am I the only one who feels some type of physical reaction from the effect of God working?  Sometimes I can feel my heart being shaped. Or, even, I can feel my heart being twisted. Which, may be really cool considering one of the Hebrew words for "hope" is qawah, meaning "to bind together by twisting."  Maybe that is just His way of twisting our hearts around His to create in us an intimate and unbreakable hope.  Maybe that is what hope feels like.  I hope so.

^Unexpected pun in a serious post.

Seriously, I can legitimately feel my heart being pressed and moved.  Not only an emotional-type feel, a physical-type feel, ya feel?  The only answer I have for it is that God must be in the process of shaping me.  Whether it be preparing me for something to come, ridding me of sinful ways, or planting new fruits in me, I can feel it.  Afterwards, sometimes minutes, sometimes weeks, sometimes months, I know there is something different about me. Something about me that is no longer me.

I like visual stuff.  I like visualizing.  So humor me here, and try this.

Picture your heart.  Not someone else's, yours.  I know, I know, you probably have no idea what your heart actually looks like.  That is why this is a creative exercise.  Or it is just my peculiarity showing.  Anyway, picture your heart and picture a set of hands.  God's hands, of course.  Now apply this:

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel.  But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  Jeremiah 18:1-4

Isn't that a lovely image?  Your heart, plopped down on a wheel, completely exposed, completely pliable, completely marred.  In need of shaping.  In need of newness.

Oh, we could not trust a better pair of hands.

Picture this.  The molding, the shaping.  Now add feeling to it, like your heart is still attached to your nerves and vessels and all that biological stuff and you can feel it inside of you changing and you wonder what it is going to look like when it is finally finished but you can never know because it will only be finished when His hands stop moving.  And they never stop.

The Father, sitting at the wheel, molding our hearts, pressing them in different directions, shaving off the undesirable parts and carefully carving out the most intricate and beautiful designs.  With a keen eye and perfect precision...

And then, it is "best to Him."

Not "best to us."  Best to Him.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. -John 15:2

May we put our hearts on the wheel and let Him do the spinning.

LMB

Days off when God is not off

Warning: this is the longest post in the history of long posts.  BUT please read it!  I promise it is worth it.  If you have to break it up into two sittings or three or seventeen--READ IT!  God did some really cool things that you do not want to miss reading about!

As promised, I am going to attempt to try to explain everything God taught me through the adventures of our free day, Saturday, in Puerto Rico.  Again, this is difficult because these are things that are hard to put into words because they are just that good.  Or maybe I am just making an excuse in case it makes no sense.  Either way.

If you read the previous post, it will help you understand my state of being for this day.  After I found THE rock, we headed off to a Puerto Rican rain forest about an hour or so away.  All I knew was that we were going to a waterfall area where we could jump off of large rocks into the water.  So, I was excited.

We hiked a little ways down a slippery hill and once we got there, oh man.  This is where words do not do any justice whatsoever.  It was absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and other words that do not come close to describing the awesome beauty of our God.

Another cool thing to note is that I had that little heart-shaped rock with me, small enough to hold in my hand, while I was standing on rocks that can only fit in God's hand.

I think just the fact that I was in a Puerto Rican rain forest was enough to push me over the edge.  No pun intended.  I mean, we were going cliff jumping.

The coolest thing ever was jumping off of the rocks into the water.  The rock was about 40 feet high, so it was high enough to be invigorating, but low enough to not freak people out too bad when they get to the top. Call me cliche, but I couldn't help recognizing some symbolism.  I mean, climbing a rock (with God), reaching the top (with God), nearing the edge (with God), taking the jump (with God), free-falling (with God), hitting the water (with God), making a splash (with God), submerging into water (with God), emerging from water (with God), returning to shore (with God), smiling (with God).  Repeat.  Forever.

Pray for adventures with God.

Why yes, that is me in mid-air. (With God)

And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" -Romans 10:15

The feet in the above picture belong to 3 of my best and oldest friends.. and one pair is mine. Getting to go on this trip with them was one of the biggest blessings I could have ever asked for. They are a true portrayal of what it means to have brothers and sisters in Christ and they do nothing but build me up and teach me and encourage me and love me. They are real representatives of Christ and just to know them is a privilege and a gift. And to worship with them and see them learn and grow and interact with believers and non-believers alike...phenomenal. They are kingdom people and I am honored to call them my friends. Everyone needs friends like these people.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  -1 Thessalonians 5:11
 
It was a pure joy to see the youth jump off of that rock into the water.  Especially watching them with that symbolic connection that God had planted in my head lingering in my thoughts--that was really powerful.  Each of those youth are going to make a huge splash every time they take a jump with God.  They are special.

After the rainforest, we went to get some lunch.  Three other friends and I decided that we did not want the usual fast food.  I mean, come on, it was Puerto Rico!  Everyone else dispersed and we decided to go to K-mart to get some chips and salsa (classic), then look for random food items on the street.  Sound a bit questionable? It was.

After we retreived the chips and salsa, we walked outside of K-mart and noticed that there was a lady selling barbeque-chicken-ish kabobs for like 2 bucks.  Needless to say, we were sold.

And so, the four of us sat on a small patch of grass in the K-mart parking lot eating kabobs from the street with chips and salsa.  We might have gotten strange looks from people who passed by, but it was worth it.  And it tasted good.  I remember sitting there and saying to my fellow parking lot sitters, "I am so glad that I have people in my life who will do this kind of thing with me and love it."

If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God... -2 Corinthians 5:13

We then retreated back to camp to relax for the afternoon.  Me and one of my friends walked down the beach and put our hammocks up in a secret spot.  Right on the beach.  Talk about living the good life.

After I read and relaxed a bit, God reminded me that I had to finish a conversation with one of the girls in the youth group that I had started the night before.  Without going into heavy detail, this conversation was one of the best that the Holy Spirit has ever orchestrated in my entire life...ever.  Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.  We ended up talking until it was time to eat.  That night we were going to a bay that glows.  I am serious.  We were told that we could swim in it if we wanted to, but at this point I was so exhausted that I was not concerned with such physical activity.  This is very important to note.

We drove to the bay which was about an hour and a half away and had some...interesting conversations on the way which consisted of the plan to make a jello pool and weird pet peeves and the like.  I then knew I loved those people.

When we got there we had about an hour to look around a market-type area to shop and explore before our boat ride.  We danced with small Puerto Rican children, bought things that have already broken, and tried not to look like tourists.

We finally got on the boat to explore La Parguera, the famous phosphorescent bay.  In short, the bay has tiny microorganisms in it that glow in the dark and it is so cool.  Unfortunately, the flash from the camera would disturb the organisms, so you will just have to trust me.  I really like this part because there is even more symbolic correlation in this "ordinary" activity.  Well, it wasn't your usual lap around the pool, but it wasn't a structured "religious" type event.  So many times we think we have to be in church or on a trip or partaking in some type of routine to feel the Holy Spirit's presence--not true.  It was just proof that God is indeed in every second of every day.  No itinerary necessary.

We went out to the part of the bay where it was dark and quiet and the young lady with whom I had shared that wonderful conversation earlier had been pestering me the entire boat ride to jump in the bay.  Both of us had on regular clothes and both of us knew that we had an hour and a half ride back to camp, which we did not desire to spend in wet jeans.  Everyone knows that that is one of the most uncomfortable things ever.

When we got to the point where we could jump in, the guides told us to ready ourselves because we only had five minutes and my friend was pressuring me harder than ever and I was so set on not jumping in.  I was not budging.

Of course, my friend did not let up and my thoughts began to break because I am a sucker for spontaneity plus I did not want to let this girl down and maybe it is bad that I was giving into peer pressure, but it was a glowing bay in Puerto Rico!  I cracked.

So me, my pressuring friend, and another girl all jumped in with our clothes on.  I did indeed jump on my own motivation, but my friend apparently thought I was going to bail, so she pretty much drug me in.  When I emerged from the water I remember saying, "Did I really just do that?!"  I was so set on not jumping in until the very moment my feet left the boat.  We swam around in amazement at the glowing microorganisms on our bodies for all of about three minutes. And then it was over.

Worth it?  Definitely.

I see a spiritual connection in the fact that my younger friend challenged me.  Having that conversation with her earlier challenged me.  Why do I not be more intentional with people?  Why do I not take more jumps with people, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be?  Thanks so much, friend.  I bet you did not know that.

The ride back to camp with soaking wet clothes and blasting air conditioning and a sleeping van was quite humorous, yet quite freezing.  I couldn't help but be joyful in the fact that God's ways are so funny, and that even though it was our "day off," God was not off.

He is never off.

But Jesus replied, “My Father is always working, and so am I.” -John 5:17

His love is solid

Upon finally gathering my thoughts and at least attempting to put the main points of Puerto Rico into words, I can finally move on with the more specific, in-depth lessons that the Father graciously engraved into my mind and heart.  I hope you all faithful readers have been sitting in the same position as when I last left you, constantly refreshing the page in hopes of a promised update.

Yeah, right........

Oh, this post might blow your mind.  Because what I am about to explain blew my mind.  But hey, that's how God works.  Just a warning.

I talked a little about the spiritual warfare that I experienced in Puerto Rico throughout the week and how, by Saturday, I could clearly see that God was triumphant and that He fought on my behalf to demolish any seeds of doubt that the devil tried to plant in my mind.  Why did God fight for me?  He loves me.

No, really.  He loves you, too.  And I have proof.  Well, I always have proof and so do you, but this is really humorous and funny and just down right awesome proof.  And it's proof of how cool God is.  Let me just explain.

Our camp was stationed right on the beach.  We could literally walk about 30 seconds down to the beach, which made for great hammocking and relaxation and even greater quiet times with God.

On Saturday, after a long week of work and war, I went out to spend some time writing in my journal and reading my bible and just praying and listening and other still and reverent things that were hard to do throughout the week (and are hard to do in the busyness of life, if you want to draw a correlation) before we headed off to the Puerto Rican rain forest.  I really needed this time, I mean, I really needed it.  My mind had been so chaotic and the week had been so busy yet wonderful, but it was so refreshing to sit out by the beach and just pour out my heart to God.  And so I did just that.

As I look back and read what I had written that morning, a lot of it is screaming things like, "I want more!" and "My heart yearns for You!" and "Do not stop!" and the like.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the strength that God had provided me that week and everything that He had done and the conversations He led me to have with people that I was dumbfounded at the fact that I could even sit in that place and look at the beautiful waves and have a one-on-one, intimate conversation with the Creator of all things and just to be given that--Wow, talk about undeserving.  He had given me enough already!

I was pounded with the realization of blessings in that one instant and it overwhelmed me.  Sometimes I feel like I use the word overwhelmed too much, but then I realize that "overwhelmed" usually means to the point beyond words so that explains that.

Wow, my stream of consciousness is in high gear today!  I am overwhelmed...

Getting to the point, I finished up my quiet time with a refreshed heart and eager emotions to go jump off of cliffs with God (literally), to go on adventures with Him, and to continue throughout the day what God had started in me that morning.  I decided I probably needed to wind down before I hit the public scene and started conversing with others because I was still a bit filled at that point and would have probably been a blubbering mess if I would have went straight to human interaction.  Well, that was unavoidable.

I started to take a stroll down the beach to attempt to gather myself and at least tone down the goofy grin on my face and, I KID YOU NOT, the first thing I saw was this rock.  Oh, but it was not just any rock.  This rock is shaped EXACTLY like a heart--no dispute.

Immediately, I picked that rock up and I honestly and sincerely and obliviously looked around--up, down, left, right--because I was certain that God had to be somewhere around there.  He had to be.  And He was.

Needless to say, I was a mess.

My emotions are not word-worthy.  I was overwhelmed.  I couldn't use words and I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stop thinking about how much God loved me.  And I still can't.

I showed that rock off that day--I showed off God's love!  Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  And how can we not, with all that He has given us?

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  -1 John 3:1

I know what you're thinking, I definitely look like a child in that picture.

I take that rock with me everywhere.  I mean, it is straight from the Lord.  There were a ton of rocks on that beach; it is no coincidence that I stumbled upon that one.  He gave it to me, he carved it out in that shape with His own two hands.  Why?  Because He loves me.  All the time, when I fail, when I mess up, when I don't love Him back, when I am disobedient, when I feel near to Him, when I heed His call, when I bear fruit, when I ignore Him, when I deserve it least.  His love is solid.

I didn't even get to the cliff diving part, or the K-mart part, or the glowing bay part.  Oh well.  God pretty much redirected this post.  But He has rights to do so.

1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; 

let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. 

2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving

  and extol him with music and song. 

3 For the LORD is the great God,  

 the great King above all gods. 

4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,  

 and the mountain peaks belong to him. 

5 The sea is his, for he made it,  

 and his hands formed the dry land. 

6 Come, let us bow down in worship,  

 let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; 

7 for he is our God  and we are the people 

of his pasture, the flock under his care.

-Psalm 95:1-7

Post-Puerto Rico

Well, I have been trying to write about my trip to Puerto Rico for about a week.  But, I am telling you, this is tough stuff.  There is so much that I want to say, and my thoughts are still rather mushy and haven't completely slowed down yet.  I know, it has been a week and a half.  Either I have issues or it is the Holy Spirit. Or a combination of both...

I have been writing in my journal all sorts of words from the Lord and letters to the Lord and lessons and diagrams (?) and the like that all stem from my experiences in Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico.  But when I sit down and try to write a Tear Down the Walls post on everything that happened, I always fall into this whirlwind of questions:  What if I forget something?  Should I be more surfacey or more deep?  What do I emphasize, what do I leave out, should I mention people's names, should I add pictures, is writing about what kind of madness comes to my head when thinking about what to write really relevant...

????????????????

Finally I just had to pull an old hand-slap-to-the-forehead and say, "Lou, just let God write and go with it."

Don't act like you all don't talk to yourselves!

Anyway, after numerous prayers for simplicity and stillness of mind, alas.  Here goes everything...

I think my favorite part about what God did in Puerto Rico is that it's not over.  It is still going on.  I have established relationships with people that I never could have imagined or planned or anything.  The youth group I went with consists of a bunch of beautiful young people hungry for more of the word and it is so noticeable and so incredible.  They have challenged me and encouraged me and even just the sole ability to witness God at work in their lives throughout Puerto Rico (and currently) is a privilege that I cannot bring myself to take lightly.  Thanks be to Him!  All glory be to Him!

As far as tangibility goes (I don't know if that word fits here, but I really wanted to use it), I was placed on a work crew with one other man from Elizabeth Baptist (the church I went with), three other adults, and eight college students.  My crew members came from all over the southeast, except for one girl who acted as our translator.  The local church in Puerto Rico is partnered with World Changers, so its youth come every week, are assigned a crew just like the rest of us, go to worship with us, and even stay at the same camp as us.  The Puerto Rican church--El Mesias--were surely a blessing in that they knew their way around the city, helped guide us in how to handle the incredibly crazy driving on the incredibly small roads, and translated for us so that we could still converse with the locals.

My crew was assigned the task of building a modest house.  I liked the extremeness.  You know, just building a house in Puerto Rico.  No big deal.  The house already had a concrete foundation, but the wooden frame had become irreversibly worn and its days were over.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. -Psalm 127:1


And so, the work week began...

BEFORE

AFTER

Another crew came in the week after to put the roof on.   However, I was pretty impressed with ourselves.  We had one hard-working crew, yet we were still able to crack jokes and have fun.  We even had some rather deep conversations, the concepts of which will indefinitely show up in a future post. So, stay tuned.As I had mentioned in my last post before I left for Puerto Rico, I was filled with a hope that was unlike any hope that I had ever experienced before. And, my brothers and sisters, this hope was not hasty. This hope was solid, its purpose was fulfilled in Puerto Rico, and it is still present....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31Oh, how I needed that strength.  If there is one huge thing that God taught me (which really there are like 2378329734), it's that with shields of hope comes major arrows of doubt .  I am not sure if I have ever experienced spiritual warfare like that before.  My goodness, it was so intense.  The devil was surely using everything possible to try to shake the hope that God had instilled in me.  My God is a rock.  He fought for me, and He fought hard.  Towards the end of the week I was so awestruck at the fact that God had completely demolished the devil's attempts at making me doubt and while I did stumble throughout the week, toward the end I remember feeling so completely victorious and overwhelmed at the triumph over Satan that my God had accomplished.  It was humbling and encouraging to experience God's strength in such a noticeable way.That topic could serve as it's own post, and it will.On the last day, we got to venture into a Puerto Rico rain forest and jump off of cliffs.  Into water.  Talk about insane.  I am going to save our free day for another post.  Because even though it was an off day, God was not off.  I learned so much that day that I think my fingers are getting tingly at the thought of getting to write about it.

Worship will get its own post, too.  And so will The Power of a Story (yes, I have already thought of the title), which is pretty much the umbrella of everything I learned in Puerto Rico...  You can stand under it, too!

I feel a song coming on...

But really, that is the main surfacy gist with a little bit of deepness about what went down in Puerto Rico.  More specific posts are to come.  To avoid the risk of making this post any longer, I will stop here with hopes that you are sitting on the edge of your seat bursting with anticipation and suspense about what is to come.

^I am pretty sure this post has an unexpected, correlating metaphor toward the end...  I love hope.

LMB