This post is going to attempt to put down into words what I talked about last night. If you were there, you know what I am talking about (if you paid attention), but if you were not, you are now in an awkward situation where you are wondering what I am referring to and why you were not at the best youth service ever.
I have had the privilege to spend my summer with a beautiful group of young people. We've hiked mountains, ate random lunches together, hammocked more times than I can even keep up with, went cliff-jumping, and I would even say that some of my favorite moments with them have been those little God-given conversations that pop up at the most unexpected times in the most unexpected places, like Dairy Queen or in a parking lot. Moments like that make my heart smile.
Last night was the service where the youth share about all of their experiences and what they have learned this summer and how they have grown and all of that great, great stuff that makes me melt when I even think about it. The theme for the summer was "Diving Deep," and I don't know about them, but this summer I may have dove deeper with God than I ever have before. And I am not even a good swimmer.
It was a night full of youth-led worship, testimonies that included life-changing circumstances and many calls to ministry and missions, slideshows that make you want to cry and laugh at the same time, and so much Holy Spirit in the air that you feel like your heart is going to explode... and you are okay with it. My twin brother and I got the privilege to speak together at the end, and a week ago when I started to really pray about what I was going to share and how God has really worked in my life this summer, God made it almost scarily clear as to what He wanted me to say.
Now I am no public speaker, so God got pounded with my prayers for comfort and lack of nervousness and humility and emptiness and that light, almost out of body, feeling where words you could never come up with start flowing from your mouth and you realize it has to be the Holy Spirit because there is no way you could ever be that eloquent. Especially us hurr in tha south.
When I first got home for summer, I had a really sour attitude (there is even blog proof of it). I was constantly crying out to God as to why I was stuck in Shelby, not that I do not love Shelby, but what exactly was here for me? I murmured and sulked and grieved over the fact that I had yet to find any reason for my summer at home. I knew, though, that I was supposed to be here for some reason, because I had prayed a lot about it and God's voice was very clear to me that Shelby was where He wanted me. So, there I was and here I have been.
On May 19, I was studying my bible and you know when scripture just jumps out at you. This one leaped at me and pounced on top of me and I might have been trying to study the scriptures, but this scripture was studying me.
"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." -Ephesians 5:14
God was really on me about this. Wake up, Lou! Look around; look at what I have provided for you here! Rise from the dead! Live like I am alive, because I am. And I want to shine on you. It was like He was dramatically pouring cold water over me to wake me up and it woke me up alright. And God's sense of humor is so hilarious, because I have now converted to a morning person. Literally, out of no where I have started waking up much, much earlier than usual and loving it--cherishing that extra intimate time with Him that is so new and fresh to me and appreciating the beauty and quietness and stillness of the morning. Not to mention, many coffee and breakfast dates with the youth. God, You are so funny.
The phrase God has been drilling in my head this summer is: Refuse to be passive. Refuse to sit idly by and wait and watch everything that you could be doing for the kingdom pass by because you are sitting and waiting for someone else or something else and sulking over where you could be or what you could be doing and wake up and look around you! Wake up! This is what has been provided for you, Lou. These youth are why you are here! Stop sitting on the sidelines. Refuse to be passive! Rise from the dead and I promise you I will shine on you.
And He did.
Being "intentional" is something I would hear a lot about and pray a lot about but never really have the boldness or spiritual energy to do. Now that God has shaken me from my slumber, He has pushed me, and I mean really pushed me to be intentional with my relationships. It's mind-blowing to think about how much He has escalated this. It started out with a few simple conversations with the youth that turned into random lunch dates that turned into really intense conversations that turned into jumping off of cliffs with people I had just met. You can use that last one metaphorically or literally.
One of the best things about being spiritually awake is that my eyes have become wider and I am seeing things that I have never seen before. These youth have taught me so much about passion and about authenticity and simplicity and love. They have brought the congregation to tears on Sunday mornings when they stand up during songs and raise their hands and worship. One Sunday, the youth stood up during a song and the entire congregation started standing up after them. Talk about symbolic. They have taught me so much about my age: I will only be a college student once, so I must to embrace it! I will only be old enough for them to look up to but young enough for them to feel comfortable confiding in for a certain period of time, so I must refuse to let that go to waste.
This summer was different because I have just finished my first year in college and I have grown so much in ways that I could never have even fathomed. I look back at all of those special people who have poured into me and who keep pouring into me and this summer God really showed me that it is my turn. I have tried to pour out my heart to those youth and share with them the love of Christ that has been so lavished on me and the best part about all of this is having youth come up to me saying, "Lou, me and this [younger] person got really close at camp and..." and "Yeah, this person doesn't really have anyone her age in the youth group so I really tried to pour into her and love her at camp, which is something I have never really done before." TRUE STATEMENTS, my friends. Oh, I could write so much more about it! Christ pouring into all of us, then one person pours into someone, who pours into someone else, who pours into someone me, who pours into someone else, WHO POURS INTO SOMEONE ELSE and it could go on and on forever and I pray with all my heart that it does.
This makes me excited if you can't tell.
God has really redeemed me this summer and I have caught myself using that word a lot here lately but that is because it is so true. He has carried me, drug me across the floor even sometimes, but He has never let go of me. My heart has been turned upside down and my eyes have not only been opened, they have been refocused. What was I looking for? A way out? Things to do to help me feel like I was "doing" something? What was I really seeking?
I feel like I could substitute "all these things" with "Elizabeth Baptist youth" or "relationships I cannot even fathom" or "conversations I would have never dreamed of having."
Or, "new brothers and sisters."
Refuse to dive in the shallow end.
Refuse to dive alone.
Refuse to refuse the dive.
LMB
No comments:
Post a Comment