But I refuse to write a post "closing out" what I learned this summer because in a lot of ways, this summer started so many things, not ended them. A lot of things that I learned this summer I will keep with me for the rest of my life as God builds onto them, refines them, and even further reveals them to me in new and exciting ways. A lot of the people I met I have just started forming relationships with, so despite the fact that we are in separate places and we "had a good run," the run is not over, my friends. Oh, no. The depths of the purposes of this summer are beginning to dig into my life. A faith that is not persistent over time is not a real faith. A faith that comes in stages will leave you with a million lessons left on a shelf, screaming to be used in the next "stage" while you are fumbling in the dark, looking for the same help you have shoved in the corner.
The door to a season may close, I guess. But it never really locks.
Closing off Summer 2012 as a summer that was well worth the while but over and done is like slamming shut the cover of a book and moving on to the next edition, completely forgetting what happened in the book before, leaving it and all of its words and truths and lessons and chapters to collect dust and cobwebs. Now that's just silly.
Yes, we move on. But we carry with us lessons and truths we have learned. We follow up with the people we have met. So, I'm going to do just that. For the rest of my life.
Now that that's out of the way...
Reality. Not just any reality, a different type. One that is past the reality of just going to church or just going to bible study or even praying pretty prayers, the kind you rehearse before it gets to you in the circle because it has to sound just right. Oh, no. Beyond that. This is the reality of our God. An active, living, powerful God who interferes with our lives and speaks to us on a daily basis. I don't mean speaks to us on a surface level, I'm talking about words that pierce us deep to our inner core and make us feel.
Feeling God. What a controversial issue in Christian culture today. There is a difference between an emotional Christian high and an emotional response to the love evoked by the One who has captivated our hearts. So often we try to either:
1. Avoid the emotional experience by living a life of studying the bible every morning with a cup of coffee and a notepad to jot down new facts about God or Jerusalem or the ancient customs of Israelites or the many trials of Paul and the trinity and whatever else that is solid and good and so applicable to our lives and these things connect to us, they make us ponder and wonder and make us so interested. And then that's it. That's enough. We read about it and study it and know it and like it even, but that's all.
2. Feed off of the emotion and completely miss the God of it all. We stimulate tears with sad music or think we have to cry or fall on the ground or lift our hands or come down to the alter call and pray "the prayer" because we feel so emotional. And then we leave the dim lit room and love Jesus for a week and then it's all over and we go through this turmoil of why we can't "feel" God. It's because we felt human-produced emotion, not the spirit-produced presence of God. We just want to feel something.
Well, look. I'm not an expert at this. What I have learned in my life is that there is emotion involved in loving Jesus. It's love. We don't worship that emotion or that feeling. We worship a God who loves us for all of our faults and shortcomings and quirks and that, my friends, produces love in our hearts. It produces an active, living, excited love in our hearts for Jesus. One that can be recognized both internally and externally.
One of my favorite lyrics from John Mark McMillan:
"Like fools in love, we're bound to make a scene..."
And yet we don't speak up about Him. We talk about Him and read about Him and sing about Him, but when the hard truths come up about the reality of who He is and how His power is in us to use and how He can save even the furthest soul and how He can heal every disease and how He is in every part of our lives and deserves every bit of our surrender, we shrivel. Yes, when we think about that God, that uncomfortable, interfering God--we stop in our tracks. We have reached the threshold of "just enough" Jesus. Just enough Jesus to get by. So we think.
We don't believe He can speak through us so we don't speak.
We don't believe He can write through us so we don't write.
We don't believe He can speak directly to us so we don't listen.
We don't believe He can reveal to us things we do not know, so we don't ask.
We don't believe we can actually feel His presence so we don't even try.
He says believe.
He says believe.
We don't even try to feel His love.
We don't look for His face everyday.
We just know about Him.
We don't know Him.
This is what He says:
I am your reality. I am real. I am active and living and I am here to love you and make you feel loved. Don't forget the reality of who I am. Don't forget the reality of a life spent with me. Right in front of your face, living inside of you. Yes, you live in another realm, you live in a world with an open heaven right above you, with all the power you could ever ask for available to you. I want you to have it. I am the well that never will run dry. I want to talk to you, I want you to hear my voice. I want you to feel me at your very core, in the marrow of your dry bones--Yes, I want them to come to life. Don't look past who I am. Don't look past what I can do. I'm not just something you sing about or read about or talk about. I'm right here. I'm in everything you see. I'm everywhere you go. I'm a reality. I'm real.
We are not just readers, no. We are characters in this story. We are not just on the outside looking in. We are in. We are here. We are a part of all this. This beauty. This reality.
Live in expectation. Expect Him.
Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Lee
Surrender yourself and say, I believe that You are here. I believe that You can speak to me and I don't care what it is I have to say because all I want to hear is what you have to say. That's how you hear Him. You say I don't care what I want to do because all I want to do is what you want me to do. That's how you feel Him.
He consumes you, your thoughts, your desires, your passions, your every move.
You and Him are one.
He consumes you, your thoughts, your desires, your passions, your every move.
You and Him are one.
The bible does not just say "Study and know about." It says "Taste and see." (Psalm 34:8)
Taste it. Taste the sweetness.
My prayer is that God would become more to you than just a powder. He is not just something you brush onto your skin when you want to look pretty or feel pretty. He isn't washed away by the strongest rush of water or blown away by the heaviest gust of wind and even the biggest tear could not leave a single track on your face. No, there is no record of defeat where Jesus is. His presence is a strong presence. He is embedded deep into your very bones. He is in the blood in your veins. He is deep, deep down to the core of your being, of your soul, of the very essence of who you are. Every day. Under every circumstance. He is in you. He is in everything.
This is a reality.
LMB
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