Freedom

I am starting this post with absolutely no idea where it's headed.  I don't know what I am going to write about, all I know is that God's love is exuding out of me and I have to find an outlet somewhere.

So, this has to be the Holy Spirit.

I don't know how I got here and I don't know if I ever want it to stop. Those moments in life when you have nothing in your brain except for thoughts of eternity and heavenly places and it seems so ironic because you don't even know what you are thinking about because you have never been there.  I mean, I have never been to heaven.  So what exactly am I thinking about?

I do believe that our God meant what He said about life on earth as it is in heaven.  So why do we not live that way?  Why do we not live like our God is alive?  I ask myself these questions.

Easter looms around the corner but honestly it has never left.  Each day is a new resurrection and if you live your life thinking that God is far and that these fleeting thoughts you have about Him are just a phase or just in vain or whatever else you think, think again.

And again and again.  I told someone the other day that I am a firm believer in meditating on things.  Which is a really weird sentence to even utter and I'm not even sure how it even came out of my mouth.  I don't even know how my lips formed that statement.  Sometimes I will have a conversation with someone and just sit there for silent awkward minutes at a time until the other person has to say, "What are you thinking about?"

And then it gets even weirder when I have to say I don't know.  I mean, it is so far beyond my comprehension and still I know it is about Him.  It gives me this swaying feeling, like wind blowing the lightest object in the wind to where it flutters and moves back and forth with grace.  I don't have much grace.  But Jesus does.

So we have these thoughts about whether or not God loves us or whether or not He is even real or whether or not we can give this up or that up or whether this sin or that sin is holding us back or whether or not God wants this for us or that or whether or not we are "called" to this thing or that place and then we get rid of them.  We banish these thoughts and then we say, "I just don't feel God."  But are we letting Him in?  Are we even giving Him a chance?  We get scared of hard things and this radical life God has called us to and we pray with loud voices because we want to override the whispers that we know He wants to speak to use because we know they are scary.

He wants to do impossible things with us.

If we aren't living differently then we aren't doing something right.

What do we expect?  Really, what do we expect?  We expect good worship that makes us feel good and we expect truth to be spoken through other means and through someone else and we expect God to show up when we are pretty and we think God is only there when it's a beautiful day outside or when it's raining really hard and He's like the umbrella or something.  He is the rain.

Let Him rain.

He's the clouds and the stream and the sun and the moon and the cars and the trees and the industries and the smoke and the air and the furnace and the completely normal day where nothing extraordinary happens and yet everything but normality is fluttering about us in our very midst but what do we expect?

Do we really have to have special circumstances to see our God?  Do we really have to have a ministry or a worship night or a summer trip or a crazy conversation or a pretty sunset or a devout blessing?  What about in the corners of our rooms sitting on the floor by ourselves?  Can we talk to God then?

Where did all these lines come from?  These lines of our hearts that God just wants to erase, demolish really and I'm not talking about these lines that say, "I never want You anywhere, God."  I'm talking about these lines that say "God you can be here at this time and here at this time but only a little bit here and only if we sing this song here and only if someone is with me here and only if it doesn't hurt anyone's feeling here and only if you call me here." We tell Him He can't make us look too weird or He can't make us offend anyone or He can't tell us this because it would completely change the way we live and that is just too much to handle right now but maybe later when things calm down.  Maybe later.  We tell Him we will sacrifice this or that on the surface because it's easier than saying "God change my heart."  We tell Him we will abide by the rules because that's all we need to do and it's easier than bringing up these insecurities and these bad memories and these ghosts of our pasts or these fears of our futures.  We tell Him we'd rather Him not interrupt out lives because they are going good and we're feeling good and we are reading really good verses and singing really good songs and having really good conversations with our brothers and sisters.  We tell Him that once we get alone we don't really know how to talk to Him so we just don't.

We just don't.

We think about these things and just let them go in a minute and we don't even stop to think that that one hint of doubt we have in our hearts needs to go to God.  It was just a fleeting thought, right?  No big deal.  We don't even let Him speak to us because we don't give Him a chance.

God is relentless.  God is louder than our voices could ever be.

These lines and these categories and segments and definitions.  These time constraints and these pretty plans and these ministries and these rules and boundaries.  What are we doing?!  We live in this freedom, the freedom of the One True God that nothing could ever hinder.  We live in the wind, the mighty rushing wind that  doesn't just come in the hurricanes or the breeze of the beach.  God's presence is not stimulated by a guitar or a conference or a few tears.  It is stimulated by anything.  It stimulates everything.

Just tell Him to come.  Tell Him you will let Him come.

Come about us, Father.

This freedom.  Ah.  Let us not make our ministries our lives but our lives our ministries.  Let us not follow the rules of time and space but let us follow the flow of the Spirit that never leaves.  Let us not get caught up with life and God just be there, but let us get caught up in God and life just be there.  Let us not worry about stepping on people's toes anymore, but let us be concerned with speaking truth into people's hearts.  It's not about toes anymore, it's about hearts.

Jesus stepped on people's toes.  Jesus captured people's hearts.

Church, in order for revival to take place, God is rising up His body.  He is telling us to wake up, to be the vessel for His Spirit to run freely, flow freely into each passing body, each passing glance, even.  Those cutting eyes that see us ordinary people and know that we have been with Jesus.  Those double takes.  Erase the lines, church.  Stop stifling His Spirit because it feels weird or it looks strange or it offends people.  He has sent us here to pave the way for His Spirit to move.  That road right in front of us.  Are our structured Christian lives displaying the freedom that that Christ has given us?  Or are they actually just the road blocks?

Are we entertaining the very things that crucified Christ on the cross?

Reject passivity.

You could lock me in a dark and empty room and sit me in a corner and tell me to think about the resurrection and I think I'd be just fine.

I preach this to myself, brothers and sisters.

Chaser

I have been learning about this for quite some time now.  You could say I have been learning about this ever since I first heard the word Father and that I will be learning about it for the rest of my life.  This is an impossible thing to describe.  This is an unreachable thing to grasp.  This is a cliche topic that is anything but.  It gets thrown around and contrived to fit our circumstances and is apparent to us only when we need it.  It sits on a shelf in a box for us to grab and go when we please and sometimes that shelf collects so much dust because we never think that we need it.  We don't even look at it.  This is not a light matter.  This is not a word on a page or a line in a song.  This is not even a tingly little feeling we get inside of us that makes us think  in our heads that God is close in that one moment.  This is not something we can pick and choose to have.  This is not something we deserve.  This is not even something that makes dark days disappear or light days last forever.

This is something that is realer than any stigma of real you have in your head.

This is something that penetrates, pulverizes us.

This is something constant, something that will never go away even when we don't accept or acknowledge it.

This is something that makes dark days lighter and light days kingdom days.

This is something that changes everything.

This is the love of God.

The love of a Savior, a Master, a Redeemer.  This is the love of a Father, totally undeserving.  It's revolutionary.  It's love unlike any other love.

Words do not do this concept justice and they never will.

Oh, the love of God.  It grips me and compels me.  It knocks me off of my feet.  It is that powerful.  It is the hurricane, the whirlwind.  And juxtaposed to our love, our little human love, the love we have for the very person we love the most, that love that hurts from the strain it causes us and every chemical we have inside of us that has to do with love is active and moving and flaring and our hearts for these people and things feel like they are about to burst.  The love for our mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and friends and husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends and dogs and cats and whoever else it is that we love, that we would do anything for, that we would willingly stop what we are doing in our tracks just to utter to this person a single word.  Yes, this kind of love.  His love makes this love look like hate.

His love makes no sense.  It is one big paradox.  He needs no reciprocation and yet it does not take away the intensity of His love.  We spit at Him and mock Him and rebuke Him and refute Him.  He loves us.  We disobey Him and run from Him and turn our ears from Him.  He loves us.  We never call Him Father and we never will.  He loves us.  We try so hard to love Him and fail time and time again.  He loves us.  We don't deserve this.  Who loves like this?

His love is furious and gentle at the same time.  He pursues us.  He does not relent.  He runs after us with fury and might and He strains for us.  He is jealous for us.  Jealousy is a consuming emotion.  Just think about it.  When you, little human, get jealous, it consumes your thoughts and you feel your chest turning and your ears reddening and you clinch your fists and grit your teeth because your heart wants so badly what it does not have.  That is Him.  But that is Him multiplied by infinity.  He hurts when He doesn't have you in His arms. He wants to hold, child, and let you rest.  He cringes when He sees you turn away.  But He does not stand and pout and let emotion override Him.  He runs.  He runs after us.

He chases us.  He never stops.  He is so much faster than we will ever be.  And when we run for the rest of our lives He is running too.  He goes before you.  He is in the belly of the whale before you are tossed from the ship.  You cannot hide from Him.  He wants you too badly.  He just wants you, child.  He says you can run.  Just run to Him.

His arms are open.  He delights in every detail of your life.  He will never let you fall, though you may stumble.  He cries when you cry.  He laughs when you laugh.  And when your heart is latched onto something other than Him, it saddens Him.  Because He wants you.  When no one else wants you.  He wants you.  When you don't want yourself.  He wants you.

Let Him have you.

All of you.  This is not a halfway love.  This is not a love we get at our convenience.  This is not a love we can wake up one day and say, "I think I will have some of God's love today."  This is a love we cannot lose.  This is a love that interrupts our lives and attacks our normality.  This is a love that flips everything else upside down.  This is a love that makes even the very thing your heart desires the most look like rubbish.  It will change your life.

His love burns.  It burns like fire and your heart will never be the same.  This is a love that if you taste it one time you hunger for it all the days of your life.  He screams for us.  He whispers for us.  He carries us and watches us and waits for us.  He does not give up on us.  He does not become discouraged by us.  No matter how far we run He knows you can never be too far off from Him.  Never.

He sees our brokenness.  He sees our skewed thoughts, our insecurities, our dreams, desires, fears.  He sees the deepest parts of our hearts.  He sees the war.  He is in the war.  He never stops fighting for us.  He loves us.  He loves His children.

He needs no conditions.

He needs no confidence.

He needs no self-esteem.

He needs no perfection.

He needs no reciprocation.

He needs no clean record.

He needs no obedience.

He needs nothing from us.

He still loves us.

He shatters our idols.  He throws them against the wall and watches them break right in front of His eyes.  He loves us so much that He is willing to put Himself through pain to save us.  Consider.  He allows us to hurt which hurts Him even more because He knows that these tears will one day be a stream of living water that will rush so freely and wildly, turning every bend, with waves that crash loudly and leave drops of  this water to soak into this dry land that surrounds it on every side.  He only wants good for us.  It hurts Him to see His children hurt.  But He loves us that much.

He is the rushing wind.  He comes riding on a white horse.  He rescues us.  He pulls us out of the pit of destruction.  The enemy is under His feet.  He rebukes Him and casts Him away.  He goes through lengths that we will never see and never know about and never be able to thank Him for to protect us from the enemy.

But He doesn't need "thank you's" to love us.  He does that anyway.

When He looks at us, He doesn't see a banker.  When He looks at us, He doesn't see an immigrant.  He doesn't see a student or a lawyer or a homeless person.  He doesn't see an orphan or a disloyal husband or a prostitute.  He doesn't see a hypocrite.  He doesn't see a convict.  He doesn't see the girl with the insecurities that are ruining her and causing her grief and making her reach for things of this world to satisfy her and give her worth and who pours into herself lies from the ruler of the kingdom of the air instead of heeding to the truth of the Father.  He doesn't see the boy who thinks he is too far deep in sin to go to God, that he could never change his ways, and he thinks there is no turning back now so he runs.  But God doesn't see a runner.

He sees beauty.

When He looks at us, He sees Christ's righteousness.  When He looks at us, He sees His creation.  When He looks at us, He sees His beloved.  He sees perfection when He looks at us.  He sees worth when He looks at us.  He sees past the surface when He looks at us, past the blemish, past the shame and the guilt and the dirt and the sin.  He sees something beautiful. He sees something that He wants, He strains for and yearns for and strives for.  He sees His son.  He sees His daughter.  He looks into our eyes and smiles and sees something that He loves.  When He looks at you, He sees something He loves.

He just loves you.

That's all He knows to do.

That's who He is.

The love we do not deserve.

The love that completes us.

It makes us whole.

We were made for this love.

He stretches out His hand.

He says take it.

It's free.

He says won't you just take it?

Won't just just take my love?