A bowl of fruit

Friends.  I have been so slack on writing this thing after I promised more Puerto Rico updates.  In my defense, I have been working more than usual, plus God is still doing so much that it keeps my mind fluttering.  However, He has done an excellent job of hearing my prayers to slow life as well as my mind down a bit.  I know that I owe you a post about the power of a story and worshiping as a universal body, but I feel like the details to those two topics will continue to grow and become polished, because they are still popping up everywhere... So, why rush it?!

To be honest, I really have no idea where this post is headed, if it will have a "theme," or even a main topic.  I just know that it is time to write again and I pray that my own words will be few.  May He speak through me and guide my fingers.

I have been in an intense mood lately.

I figure that I should get some of this seriousness out in a post before I move on to the sappy stuff about going back to school and leaving behind beautiful brothers and sisters who I have been privileged to see grow all summer and how much I will miss them and how much they have taught me and how much I love them and all those happy tears.

When I sit here and meditate and rack my brain over what the Holy Spirit really is making prevalent in my life and heart right now it is kind of hard because He is showing me a novel filled with whole pages and entire chapters and I can only view one word at a time.  It's like I'm having to read my thoughts.  And He is a pretty good writer.

Since Puerto Rico, I have been experiencing some spiritual warfare, which is normal and tough and I would even venture to say appreciated.  It has been quite the battle, but I have gotten to experience some deep intimacy with my Commander through it.  Constantly crying out to God for help is one of the most two-sided feelings ever... because as hard as it is to keep my thoughts focused on Christ--to keep my hope in Him, going against the flesh while dodging bullets left and right--it is so immediately worth it because I get to feel God's compassion and strength and love and why would I ever trade earthly comfort for heavenly intimacy?

I have a question, and answers really would be nice--however you want to reach me.  I am curious.  This questions addresses something that I have just now began experiencing for probably the past 4 or 5 months, and at first I wasn't sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me or if it was just another example of God's unexpected grace through His presence.

...............................

Am I the only one who feels some type of physical reaction from the effect of God working?  Sometimes I can feel my heart being shaped. Or, even, I can feel my heart being twisted. Which, may be really cool considering one of the Hebrew words for "hope" is qawah, meaning "to bind together by twisting."  Maybe that is just His way of twisting our hearts around His to create in us an intimate and unbreakable hope.  Maybe that is what hope feels like.  I hope so.

^Unexpected pun in a serious post.

Seriously, I can legitimately feel my heart being pressed and moved.  Not only an emotional-type feel, a physical-type feel, ya feel?  The only answer I have for it is that God must be in the process of shaping me.  Whether it be preparing me for something to come, ridding me of sinful ways, or planting new fruits in me, I can feel it.  Afterwards, sometimes minutes, sometimes weeks, sometimes months, I know there is something different about me. Something about me that is no longer me.

I like visual stuff.  I like visualizing.  So humor me here, and try this.

Picture your heart.  Not someone else's, yours.  I know, I know, you probably have no idea what your heart actually looks like.  That is why this is a creative exercise.  Or it is just my peculiarity showing.  Anyway, picture your heart and picture a set of hands.  God's hands, of course.  Now apply this:

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel.  But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  Jeremiah 18:1-4

Isn't that a lovely image?  Your heart, plopped down on a wheel, completely exposed, completely pliable, completely marred.  In need of shaping.  In need of newness.

Oh, we could not trust a better pair of hands.

Picture this.  The molding, the shaping.  Now add feeling to it, like your heart is still attached to your nerves and vessels and all that biological stuff and you can feel it inside of you changing and you wonder what it is going to look like when it is finally finished but you can never know because it will only be finished when His hands stop moving.  And they never stop.

The Father, sitting at the wheel, molding our hearts, pressing them in different directions, shaving off the undesirable parts and carefully carving out the most intricate and beautiful designs.  With a keen eye and perfect precision...

And then, it is "best to Him."

Not "best to us."  Best to Him.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. -John 15:2

May we put our hearts on the wheel and let Him do the spinning.

LMB

Days off when God is not off

Warning: this is the longest post in the history of long posts.  BUT please read it!  I promise it is worth it.  If you have to break it up into two sittings or three or seventeen--READ IT!  God did some really cool things that you do not want to miss reading about!

As promised, I am going to attempt to try to explain everything God taught me through the adventures of our free day, Saturday, in Puerto Rico.  Again, this is difficult because these are things that are hard to put into words because they are just that good.  Or maybe I am just making an excuse in case it makes no sense.  Either way.

If you read the previous post, it will help you understand my state of being for this day.  After I found THE rock, we headed off to a Puerto Rican rain forest about an hour or so away.  All I knew was that we were going to a waterfall area where we could jump off of large rocks into the water.  So, I was excited.

We hiked a little ways down a slippery hill and once we got there, oh man.  This is where words do not do any justice whatsoever.  It was absolutely breathtaking and beautiful and other words that do not come close to describing the awesome beauty of our God.

Another cool thing to note is that I had that little heart-shaped rock with me, small enough to hold in my hand, while I was standing on rocks that can only fit in God's hand.

I think just the fact that I was in a Puerto Rican rain forest was enough to push me over the edge.  No pun intended.  I mean, we were going cliff jumping.

The coolest thing ever was jumping off of the rocks into the water.  The rock was about 40 feet high, so it was high enough to be invigorating, but low enough to not freak people out too bad when they get to the top. Call me cliche, but I couldn't help recognizing some symbolism.  I mean, climbing a rock (with God), reaching the top (with God), nearing the edge (with God), taking the jump (with God), free-falling (with God), hitting the water (with God), making a splash (with God), submerging into water (with God), emerging from water (with God), returning to shore (with God), smiling (with God).  Repeat.  Forever.

Pray for adventures with God.

Why yes, that is me in mid-air. (With God)

And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" -Romans 10:15

The feet in the above picture belong to 3 of my best and oldest friends.. and one pair is mine. Getting to go on this trip with them was one of the biggest blessings I could have ever asked for. They are a true portrayal of what it means to have brothers and sisters in Christ and they do nothing but build me up and teach me and encourage me and love me. They are real representatives of Christ and just to know them is a privilege and a gift. And to worship with them and see them learn and grow and interact with believers and non-believers alike...phenomenal. They are kingdom people and I am honored to call them my friends. Everyone needs friends like these people.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  -1 Thessalonians 5:11
 
It was a pure joy to see the youth jump off of that rock into the water.  Especially watching them with that symbolic connection that God had planted in my head lingering in my thoughts--that was really powerful.  Each of those youth are going to make a huge splash every time they take a jump with God.  They are special.

After the rainforest, we went to get some lunch.  Three other friends and I decided that we did not want the usual fast food.  I mean, come on, it was Puerto Rico!  Everyone else dispersed and we decided to go to K-mart to get some chips and salsa (classic), then look for random food items on the street.  Sound a bit questionable? It was.

After we retreived the chips and salsa, we walked outside of K-mart and noticed that there was a lady selling barbeque-chicken-ish kabobs for like 2 bucks.  Needless to say, we were sold.

And so, the four of us sat on a small patch of grass in the K-mart parking lot eating kabobs from the street with chips and salsa.  We might have gotten strange looks from people who passed by, but it was worth it.  And it tasted good.  I remember sitting there and saying to my fellow parking lot sitters, "I am so glad that I have people in my life who will do this kind of thing with me and love it."

If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God... -2 Corinthians 5:13

We then retreated back to camp to relax for the afternoon.  Me and one of my friends walked down the beach and put our hammocks up in a secret spot.  Right on the beach.  Talk about living the good life.

After I read and relaxed a bit, God reminded me that I had to finish a conversation with one of the girls in the youth group that I had started the night before.  Without going into heavy detail, this conversation was one of the best that the Holy Spirit has ever orchestrated in my entire life...ever.  Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.  We ended up talking until it was time to eat.  That night we were going to a bay that glows.  I am serious.  We were told that we could swim in it if we wanted to, but at this point I was so exhausted that I was not concerned with such physical activity.  This is very important to note.

We drove to the bay which was about an hour and a half away and had some...interesting conversations on the way which consisted of the plan to make a jello pool and weird pet peeves and the like.  I then knew I loved those people.

When we got there we had about an hour to look around a market-type area to shop and explore before our boat ride.  We danced with small Puerto Rican children, bought things that have already broken, and tried not to look like tourists.

We finally got on the boat to explore La Parguera, the famous phosphorescent bay.  In short, the bay has tiny microorganisms in it that glow in the dark and it is so cool.  Unfortunately, the flash from the camera would disturb the organisms, so you will just have to trust me.  I really like this part because there is even more symbolic correlation in this "ordinary" activity.  Well, it wasn't your usual lap around the pool, but it wasn't a structured "religious" type event.  So many times we think we have to be in church or on a trip or partaking in some type of routine to feel the Holy Spirit's presence--not true.  It was just proof that God is indeed in every second of every day.  No itinerary necessary.

We went out to the part of the bay where it was dark and quiet and the young lady with whom I had shared that wonderful conversation earlier had been pestering me the entire boat ride to jump in the bay.  Both of us had on regular clothes and both of us knew that we had an hour and a half ride back to camp, which we did not desire to spend in wet jeans.  Everyone knows that that is one of the most uncomfortable things ever.

When we got to the point where we could jump in, the guides told us to ready ourselves because we only had five minutes and my friend was pressuring me harder than ever and I was so set on not jumping in.  I was not budging.

Of course, my friend did not let up and my thoughts began to break because I am a sucker for spontaneity plus I did not want to let this girl down and maybe it is bad that I was giving into peer pressure, but it was a glowing bay in Puerto Rico!  I cracked.

So me, my pressuring friend, and another girl all jumped in with our clothes on.  I did indeed jump on my own motivation, but my friend apparently thought I was going to bail, so she pretty much drug me in.  When I emerged from the water I remember saying, "Did I really just do that?!"  I was so set on not jumping in until the very moment my feet left the boat.  We swam around in amazement at the glowing microorganisms on our bodies for all of about three minutes. And then it was over.

Worth it?  Definitely.

I see a spiritual connection in the fact that my younger friend challenged me.  Having that conversation with her earlier challenged me.  Why do I not be more intentional with people?  Why do I not take more jumps with people, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be?  Thanks so much, friend.  I bet you did not know that.

The ride back to camp with soaking wet clothes and blasting air conditioning and a sleeping van was quite humorous, yet quite freezing.  I couldn't help but be joyful in the fact that God's ways are so funny, and that even though it was our "day off," God was not off.

He is never off.

But Jesus replied, “My Father is always working, and so am I.” -John 5:17

His love is solid

Upon finally gathering my thoughts and at least attempting to put the main points of Puerto Rico into words, I can finally move on with the more specific, in-depth lessons that the Father graciously engraved into my mind and heart.  I hope you all faithful readers have been sitting in the same position as when I last left you, constantly refreshing the page in hopes of a promised update.

Yeah, right........

Oh, this post might blow your mind.  Because what I am about to explain blew my mind.  But hey, that's how God works.  Just a warning.

I talked a little about the spiritual warfare that I experienced in Puerto Rico throughout the week and how, by Saturday, I could clearly see that God was triumphant and that He fought on my behalf to demolish any seeds of doubt that the devil tried to plant in my mind.  Why did God fight for me?  He loves me.

No, really.  He loves you, too.  And I have proof.  Well, I always have proof and so do you, but this is really humorous and funny and just down right awesome proof.  And it's proof of how cool God is.  Let me just explain.

Our camp was stationed right on the beach.  We could literally walk about 30 seconds down to the beach, which made for great hammocking and relaxation and even greater quiet times with God.

On Saturday, after a long week of work and war, I went out to spend some time writing in my journal and reading my bible and just praying and listening and other still and reverent things that were hard to do throughout the week (and are hard to do in the busyness of life, if you want to draw a correlation) before we headed off to the Puerto Rican rain forest.  I really needed this time, I mean, I really needed it.  My mind had been so chaotic and the week had been so busy yet wonderful, but it was so refreshing to sit out by the beach and just pour out my heart to God.  And so I did just that.

As I look back and read what I had written that morning, a lot of it is screaming things like, "I want more!" and "My heart yearns for You!" and "Do not stop!" and the like.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the strength that God had provided me that week and everything that He had done and the conversations He led me to have with people that I was dumbfounded at the fact that I could even sit in that place and look at the beautiful waves and have a one-on-one, intimate conversation with the Creator of all things and just to be given that--Wow, talk about undeserving.  He had given me enough already!

I was pounded with the realization of blessings in that one instant and it overwhelmed me.  Sometimes I feel like I use the word overwhelmed too much, but then I realize that "overwhelmed" usually means to the point beyond words so that explains that.

Wow, my stream of consciousness is in high gear today!  I am overwhelmed...

Getting to the point, I finished up my quiet time with a refreshed heart and eager emotions to go jump off of cliffs with God (literally), to go on adventures with Him, and to continue throughout the day what God had started in me that morning.  I decided I probably needed to wind down before I hit the public scene and started conversing with others because I was still a bit filled at that point and would have probably been a blubbering mess if I would have went straight to human interaction.  Well, that was unavoidable.

I started to take a stroll down the beach to attempt to gather myself and at least tone down the goofy grin on my face and, I KID YOU NOT, the first thing I saw was this rock.  Oh, but it was not just any rock.  This rock is shaped EXACTLY like a heart--no dispute.

Immediately, I picked that rock up and I honestly and sincerely and obliviously looked around--up, down, left, right--because I was certain that God had to be somewhere around there.  He had to be.  And He was.

Needless to say, I was a mess.

My emotions are not word-worthy.  I was overwhelmed.  I couldn't use words and I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stop thinking about how much God loved me.  And I still can't.

I showed that rock off that day--I showed off God's love!  Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  And how can we not, with all that He has given us?

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  -1 John 3:1

I know what you're thinking, I definitely look like a child in that picture.

I take that rock with me everywhere.  I mean, it is straight from the Lord.  There were a ton of rocks on that beach; it is no coincidence that I stumbled upon that one.  He gave it to me, he carved it out in that shape with His own two hands.  Why?  Because He loves me.  All the time, when I fail, when I mess up, when I don't love Him back, when I am disobedient, when I feel near to Him, when I heed His call, when I bear fruit, when I ignore Him, when I deserve it least.  His love is solid.

I didn't even get to the cliff diving part, or the K-mart part, or the glowing bay part.  Oh well.  God pretty much redirected this post.  But He has rights to do so.

1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; 

let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. 

2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving

  and extol him with music and song. 

3 For the LORD is the great God,  

 the great King above all gods. 

4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,  

 and the mountain peaks belong to him. 

5 The sea is his, for he made it,  

 and his hands formed the dry land. 

6 Come, let us bow down in worship,  

 let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; 

7 for he is our God  and we are the people 

of his pasture, the flock under his care.

-Psalm 95:1-7

Post-Puerto Rico

Well, I have been trying to write about my trip to Puerto Rico for about a week.  But, I am telling you, this is tough stuff.  There is so much that I want to say, and my thoughts are still rather mushy and haven't completely slowed down yet.  I know, it has been a week and a half.  Either I have issues or it is the Holy Spirit. Or a combination of both...

I have been writing in my journal all sorts of words from the Lord and letters to the Lord and lessons and diagrams (?) and the like that all stem from my experiences in Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico.  But when I sit down and try to write a Tear Down the Walls post on everything that happened, I always fall into this whirlwind of questions:  What if I forget something?  Should I be more surfacey or more deep?  What do I emphasize, what do I leave out, should I mention people's names, should I add pictures, is writing about what kind of madness comes to my head when thinking about what to write really relevant...

????????????????

Finally I just had to pull an old hand-slap-to-the-forehead and say, "Lou, just let God write and go with it."

Don't act like you all don't talk to yourselves!

Anyway, after numerous prayers for simplicity and stillness of mind, alas.  Here goes everything...

I think my favorite part about what God did in Puerto Rico is that it's not over.  It is still going on.  I have established relationships with people that I never could have imagined or planned or anything.  The youth group I went with consists of a bunch of beautiful young people hungry for more of the word and it is so noticeable and so incredible.  They have challenged me and encouraged me and even just the sole ability to witness God at work in their lives throughout Puerto Rico (and currently) is a privilege that I cannot bring myself to take lightly.  Thanks be to Him!  All glory be to Him!

As far as tangibility goes (I don't know if that word fits here, but I really wanted to use it), I was placed on a work crew with one other man from Elizabeth Baptist (the church I went with), three other adults, and eight college students.  My crew members came from all over the southeast, except for one girl who acted as our translator.  The local church in Puerto Rico is partnered with World Changers, so its youth come every week, are assigned a crew just like the rest of us, go to worship with us, and even stay at the same camp as us.  The Puerto Rican church--El Mesias--were surely a blessing in that they knew their way around the city, helped guide us in how to handle the incredibly crazy driving on the incredibly small roads, and translated for us so that we could still converse with the locals.

My crew was assigned the task of building a modest house.  I liked the extremeness.  You know, just building a house in Puerto Rico.  No big deal.  The house already had a concrete foundation, but the wooden frame had become irreversibly worn and its days were over.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. -Psalm 127:1


And so, the work week began...

BEFORE

AFTER

Another crew came in the week after to put the roof on.   However, I was pretty impressed with ourselves.  We had one hard-working crew, yet we were still able to crack jokes and have fun.  We even had some rather deep conversations, the concepts of which will indefinitely show up in a future post. So, stay tuned.As I had mentioned in my last post before I left for Puerto Rico, I was filled with a hope that was unlike any hope that I had ever experienced before. And, my brothers and sisters, this hope was not hasty. This hope was solid, its purpose was fulfilled in Puerto Rico, and it is still present....but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31Oh, how I needed that strength.  If there is one huge thing that God taught me (which really there are like 2378329734), it's that with shields of hope comes major arrows of doubt .  I am not sure if I have ever experienced spiritual warfare like that before.  My goodness, it was so intense.  The devil was surely using everything possible to try to shake the hope that God had instilled in me.  My God is a rock.  He fought for me, and He fought hard.  Towards the end of the week I was so awestruck at the fact that God had completely demolished the devil's attempts at making me doubt and while I did stumble throughout the week, toward the end I remember feeling so completely victorious and overwhelmed at the triumph over Satan that my God had accomplished.  It was humbling and encouraging to experience God's strength in such a noticeable way.That topic could serve as it's own post, and it will.On the last day, we got to venture into a Puerto Rico rain forest and jump off of cliffs.  Into water.  Talk about insane.  I am going to save our free day for another post.  Because even though it was an off day, God was not off.  I learned so much that day that I think my fingers are getting tingly at the thought of getting to write about it.

Worship will get its own post, too.  And so will The Power of a Story (yes, I have already thought of the title), which is pretty much the umbrella of everything I learned in Puerto Rico...  You can stand under it, too!

I feel a song coming on...

But really, that is the main surfacy gist with a little bit of deepness about what went down in Puerto Rico.  More specific posts are to come.  To avoid the risk of making this post any longer, I will stop here with hopes that you are sitting on the edge of your seat bursting with anticipation and suspense about what is to come.

^I am pretty sure this post has an unexpected, correlating metaphor toward the end...  I love hope.

LMB