Why we risk discomfort

Apparently, I am on a "Why..." series (if two posts count as a series).  As if I can answer these questions sufficiently.  Well, I am here to say that my wisdom is inexistent and these are clearly the wonders of God that He has instilled in me to ponder.  These are only simple examinations of complex mysteries.  No answers are available.  Sorry, I am just not that good.

I have been reading this book for quite some while now, and yesterday I ran across something that has caused me to stumble a bit.  I am currently reading Beth Moore’s Breaking Free, which has to do with liberation and freedom and everything else that is going on in my life (God’s perfect correlation).  This question, though, was clearly from God, because it was never directly addressed in the book. It was hidden.  But somehow I kept thinking about it and God kept reminding me of it!  It was blowing my mind.

While reading about how to give up hindrances that may subconsciously be creating a barricade between us (followers) and God, Moore kept saying “Ask God to show you…”

I’ve done that before.  And I feel like every time I do it I get thrown into something that I do not want to be in.  I get handed the skeletons of my past, things that I do not even think twice about because I do not want to.  You know, those things that you are reluctant to pray about because even the thought of them causes your stomach to stir and your mind to shift.

Or maybe even those things you don’t think about because you don’t realize that they are even existant.  Those invisible walls.  Those things that are obviously a part of your life, but you are completely oblivious to the fact that they are affecting your relationship with the Father.  Those things we cannot know...without His help.

As I was asking God to reveal to me certain things discussed in the book, I stopped and thought, "Wait a second.  Do I really want to do this?  What if He shows me something I do not like? What if a disgusting sin starts bubbling up and conquers my thoughts and my life and I get trapped in self guilt and can't get out of it ever ever ever just because I asked God that one simple favor!?" (Good thing He showed me why this Easter would be different!)

^Kind of a dramatic effect.

But anyway. I caught myself wondering why I would even risk the possibility of an uncomfortable situation, just because....

Because why?!

I can say I am perfectly comfortable with my relationship with God at a certain period in time.  Nothing is blatantly wrong.  I sing and smile and laugh and dance and learn and seek and love and why would I ever want to endanger that?

Because I want to please the Father.  Because His love is unfailing.  Because He keeps no record of my sin.  Because a relationship with Him is the best thing I have.  Because He gives life in all its fullness.  Because He amazes me with His perfect plans.  Because any wall that hides me from God is something I never want in my life.

Because I cannot describe all He has done.

A good friend of mine and I had a discussion a few weeks ago about comfort.  We were talking about how the concept of spiritual comfort is very ironic.  When we are most physically comfortable, we are typically not as spiritually comfortable as we could be.  When we are most spiritually comfortable, we probably just went through a ridiculously awkward situation in this world trying to share the gospel with someone or (something of the sort) and needed God's help A LOT.

This is insane.  So when we are most comfortable in this world, we are not as comfortable with God because we are not forced to cling to Him as tightly.  And when we are most uncomfortable in this world, we are forced to cling to God extra tightly, so that we can feel the comfort of His right hand that He so graciously gives when we ask.

How the heck does this work!?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 5:3-10

Guess that answers that.

I will risk discomfort in this world, if it means I will feel comfort from my Father.

Oh, the comfort He brings.

Good thing God is smart, because that was a question I was unable to handle.

I still kind of like pondering it.

What a God, what a Savior.  He surely examines our hearts.  He surely makes us do crazy things.  He surely makes us take risks.

He surely makes beautiful things out of us.

LMB

Why this Easter will be different

This will be my 19th Easter.  I have been through the drill--the Easter bunny visits, the sunrise services, the egg hunts, the pictures with the REAL Easter Bunny at the mall, [insert other surface Easter festivities here].

Needless to say, I know what Easter entails (not so bunny pun? [pun within a pun? stop the madness!]).  Anyway, I know what Easter looks like, sounds like, smells like.

And now I know what Easter feels like.

I have been living in Easter these past two months.  My life has been a constant resurrection and I feel more alive than I have ever felt.  I never knew that it was possible to feel so... freed, liberated, saved, other words that have to do with wanting run around and scream at the top of your lungs.  Yeah, that is how I feel!

I have been through all these Easters.  But this Easter is different.  This one is personal.  This one is special.

This is the first Easter that I have been filled with such passion and reverence about what it is that we are celebrating.  I always acknowledge the cross.  I know it is there.  I know what it symbolizes.  But I do not always fall to my knees before it.

Within the past two months or so, I have been liberated.  Liberated of a sin, or a collection of sins, rather,  that I was not completely sure were even sins much less sins that I needed to let go of.  I was pushing it to the back of my life, my mind.  But ignoring it was not conquering it.  It did not make my sins disappear.  The passing time only added to the weight of the burden until it was ready to explode out of me, until I could no longer swallow the bitter taste that had formed in my mouth from the bubbling of newly revealed shortcomings.  Guilt, ceaseless guilt.

Praise be to God, for He wrecked my heart.  He showed me that I needed to get rid of what was holding me down.

And He showed me how. 

It was quite a challenge.  And I was a mess.

It was a beautiful mess, indeed.

But now I know, that through that trial, through that exhaustion that came with trying to use my own strength to make things right, He was cleansing me.  He was breaking my chains.  And now I am feeling a way that I have never felt before, complete freedom, with a heart that literally and physically feels less heavy, one that is wide open to the love of the Savior.

Blood ran down His face.  His arms.  His legs.  His body.

That blood runs through my veins.  It gives me life!  It makes me happier than I have ever felt before!  It crushes every sin I commit before I commit it!  It washes away the wall of guilt that so traps me inside my own pool of shame.  It floods through me relentlessly, like a broken dam.  

And my walls are torn.

If I have learned ANYTHING at all that I could possibly put into words it would be that self-guilt is the devil's manipulation of the cross.  We can see the cross, we know that it is there.  But we don't see the Savior.  We don't see the broken body of the man who knew no sin, dangling in death so that we may be rising in life. We see the wood, each of the brown grains proclaiming a different sin, staring us in the face, mocking us, telling us to hang ourselves for what we have done.

But He is hanging on the cross.

I mean, we can't both fit up there.

He said "It is finished."

And so it is.

And that is why this Easter will be different.

LMB

Describing the indescribable

It has been such a long time since I have written in this thing. And there has been SO much that God has been doing in my life that I just want to scream it all out at you, but then you would probably walk away quickly with immediate worry of my mental state. So, I will try to softly and tenderly let my excitement leak out through these words. Irony at its best.

Disclaimer: Most of what I have been experiencing cannot be put into words. Sorry if you find the redundancy of overwhelming joy a bore. And if that is you, I dare you to feel the way I do. Please.

For starters, I have a new favorite verse. Oh yes, I do.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. -2 Corinthians 2:14.

Those two words—triumphal procession—completely, fully, and blatantly describe what God is doing in my life right now. I mean, He always is, but I have never been aware of it in a way like I am now. He is doing that in your life too, whether you know it or not.

I had the opportunity of leading a group of four senior girls in bible studies at a church back home in a kind of DiscipleNow weekend called Invasion about two weeks ago. There were about 60 students there altogether, and that weekend may have changed my life. At least, it definitely changed my outlook on life, as revealed through the above verse.

As I was blessed to even be able to be present that weekend, it was made extremely clear to me that I was in the exact right place. I kept hearing this all weekend:

Lou, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Now, I have never in my years heard this statement so clearly in my head until that weekend. I mean, I always know that I am supposed to go where God leads me, but how often do I acknowledge the path?

It’s kind of like when you are driving a car somewhere you have been a thousand times and by the time you get there, you are thinking in your head, “How did I get here?”

Maybe that is just me. Or maybe, that is really dangerous…

Anyway, as I stood overlooking a group of 60 some students, from middle school to my seniors in high school, I could not help but to see my whole life before my eyes.

And no, not “my whole life flash before my eyes.” The word flash is totally not right. And so I hope that makes this seem a little less cliché…

The odds are against me.

It was a process. I saw myself, the awkward middle schooler with no sense of direction. I saw the 9th grader who was very dependent on friends, yet still urged for that something more. I saw myself last year, as a senior in high school, apprehensive about college and friends and life and the unknown in general. And then I heard,

Lou, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

I cannot describe how sweet those words are to my ears. I cannot express the joy that comes with standing where I am today. I cannot begin to contain my feelings of overwhelming gratefulness to my Father in heaven for leading me in triumphal procession. I have been in utter wonder and awe of the master plan of how I got here. How perfectly it worked out. How all of the awkward situations as a middle schooler or all of the doubt and confusion that came with entering a new territory seem like dust in the wind of His power. And that wind becomes stronger and stronger with each experience, with each particle of dust.

So let the wind carry this fragrance, this aroma of the Lord my God. Who always leads me. Triumphantly. Perfectly.

Look at where you are now. How exactly did you get there?

May your answer bring you even just an ounce as much joy as mine has given me.

LMB